There is a voice inside you that knows exactly where to strike. It calls you inadequate, compares you with others, reminds you of every mistake. You think this voice is telling the truth about your worth. And yet, low self-esteem is rarely the truth; it is a voice we once learned, at a time when we could not question it. At thestherapy we work to help you tell this voice apart from your real self.
Where it takes root
Self-esteem is not born with us; it is built within our earliest relationships. Often the roots of low self-esteem lie early, in moments you may not even consciously remember:
- Comparisons with siblings, classmates or an ideal we never reached.
- Criticism that was heard more often than recognition.
- Expectations too large for a child to carry.
- Love that felt conditional, as if you had to earn it.
The child you were could not say "this is not fair". Instead, they came to believe that something was wrong with them.
The voice that belittles you often did not start with you. You took it from somewhere, and it stayed.
How the voice becomes "you"
Over time, this critical voice repeats so often that it stops sounding like a stranger. It becomes your inner monologue, so familiar that you mistake it for yourself. You think "that is just how I am", when in reality you are hearing an echo from the past. The first step of therapy is exactly this: beginning to recognise that this voice has a history, an origin, an age.
Separating in therapy
In therapy we do something simple but liberating: we separate the voice from you. We ask who speaks when you criticise yourself. When this voice appears and in which situations it grows louder. What it once served, because often it had a protective role, trying to keep you safe from rejection. When you see it from a distance, it stops ruling you.
How self-esteem is really built
Self-esteem is not built with affirmations in the mirror. Affirmations you do not believe simply strengthen the inner argument. It is built differently: through small experiences where you treat yourself with respect and watch yourself endure. Every time you set a limit and the world does not collapse, every time you make a mistake and do not abandon yourself, a new, more truthful relationship with yourself is built.
A new voice
You will never fully erase the old critical voice, and you do not need to. What you can do is cultivate a second voice, gentler and fairer, that slowly takes up space. If you feel the voice that belittles you has taken the reins, you are not doomed to live with it forever. At thestherapy, in Thessaloniki or online, in Greek and in English, we can discover together where this voice came from and how to build a relationship with yourself grounded in respect rather than criticism.